I QUIT!!!

ive decided to attempt to put all my worries aside for once, and just try to live life as it comes. i dont care about what others think about me, so why should i care about what will happen to me? of course i'd care if i like broke my arm or something... i mean like why worry about getting a job right now... i believe in fait and whatnot, so when its the right time for me to get a job, i will get hired by someone... until then i'll just keep handin out all these crappy resumes. then theres skool, ive been trying so hard this year. but ive gotten myself in way over my head... im trying to take way too many credits so i can graduate this year. as much as i hate this town im pretty sure im gonna be stuck here a little longer than expected. i was planning on graduating in june, and moving to T.O in the summer... but i dont think thats goin to happen. i havent been able to do a lot of my work, because i have been so sick for so long. and i dont seem to be getting any better. so it looks like i'll be here for another semester. and hopefully i will be able to get the hell out of here in february. it really sucks for me, but tracey should be happy, she doesnt want me to leave. its really going to be hard to leave everybody. but now, if i dont graduate on time as planned, i will have more time to prepare myself. im going to try not too worry about guys, cause all the guys i date are HUGE jerk faces. i seem to attract a lot of those. cept adam is nice :) *hugs* anyway, i stress myself out WAY too much by constantly worrying... and its definatley not healthy, it causes me to have cruddy anxiety attacks and nervous breakdowns and stuff... ive just been realizing that i have my whole life ahead of me... i dont have to do everything right now... i have all the time in the world :) i will not let things get me down, as far as we know, we only have one life to live, so im gonna live it my way. not how everybody else wants me to live it.

im so incredibly bitter its not even funny... i just want to scream and hit stuff... and its not too fun, im just extremely bitter with this one inpaticular person and hes making me SOOOOOO MAD!!! I NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE!!! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! cant handle it... going crazy... CRAZY I TELL YOU!!! ABSOLUTLEY CRAZY!!! oh well... i'll get over it... i'll just block out everything thats bothering me and try to get on with my sad and pathetic life... PEACE OUT!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DERK FACE!!!
hey peoples, its my bro's B-Day today :) hes the big 25!!!
da da da!!! i luv my brother, hes the best brother in the world! haha listen to how cheesy this update is. :) oh well! its all good yo's! D-MAN i dont know what i would have done without you... for real. you took me in last summer and changed my life around, and for that i thank you sooo much!
you put up with me for an entire summer :) and you taught me so much :) I love ya dude and i hope you have a GREAT birthday!
i'll write more on how awesome my brother is later :)
but for now... im in class :) OOO this is a pic of me and Derek sleepin in the back of my dads car when we were little :) Aawwww!!!

do you ever feel like youre trapped and you cant get out no matter how hard you try? well, welcome to my world. usually my feeling of being trapped comes in the winter time... and it always feels like im being closed off from the rest of the world. but for some reason it skipped winter and is hitting me now. soooo hard. and its really not cool at all... i just feel that i will never get out of this town, and it will jsut keep bringing me down until i am in the deepest hole possible and wont be able to get out. im afraid that i will never amount to anything. and i'll be stuck here in my bubble for the rest of my pathetic exsistence... everything is always the same here, day after day, and im totally sick of it... i hate being predictable and i hate predictable things. every day is the same as the next, i never do things any different, because there isnt any different things i could be doing. im sick of it all, and i dont know how much longer i can handle it here. im literally being driven insane. and if i stay here much longer for sure i'll be institutionalized... wouldnt surprise me one bit. i hate being away from everything that makes me happy. and stuck right in everything that i hate. i just wish that i could rewind or fastforward time so i wouldnt have to be in the now. i dont belong here, i was meant for bigger and better things. for sure i will miss all my friends when im gone and far far away from here... but i will never miss this place. and i will never turn back. that is all for now... PEACE OUT!!!

i wolk up with a sense of happiness this morning... weird... that never happens...

hey dudes!!! THIS IS MY 200th UPDATE!!! WOO HOO!!! :) holy that sure is a lot of useless information eh? NICENESS!!! sooo many memories :) i remember back in the day when i did my first update :) *tear* HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

i can play O'Canada on the harmonica and twinkle twinkle little star on the acordian... im so good :)
OOO like my pic ? ? ? yeah i know ya do :) holy i am so good eh? i mean for real, im such a good artist :P hahaha rrright... no but i like my pic i drew :) its cute... its a pic of me after i was done my new years partying... :) i miss my hair that colour... meh i'll prally end up dyin it back to that sooner or later :)

theres a lady bug crawling on my keyboard right now and its really annoying... oh well hes on F5 so its okay, i dont need that key... so meh... yeah so i got pretty bored today and decided to draw all over my arm... it was fun :P
today was another nice day, but it sucked cause i was in a horrible mood lie all day... oh well life goes on eh... its another day tomorrow :P yep, so i just wanted to share my arm with you's :) haha that sounds stupid... so later!

yep so here i am... again... im attempting to quit smoking... im on my last few packs, then im totally cutting myself off... and its HELL!!! for real! i'll just keep myself busy with the ten million pounds of work i have to do... that should keep me good... hopefully... i know i can quit... i just dont really want to... but im gonna... i can do it... come on ppl encourage me here... i need it :)